What does it mean?

As I come to the end of the grad school marathon, I feel like I should stop and reflect on the experience. Did I learn anything? What did I learn? What does it mean to me?

Grad school is an achievement in overcoming life circumstances

I had children in my mid-twenties and by the time I turned 30, I had two toddlers. I entered a graduate program after college, but instead chose to begin a family. I enjoyed my family and my career, but I always longed to go back to school, and I knew that when the time was right, that I would do so. My dad was the relative who really helped our family. He helped pay for our house, our children’s education, and a small amount of money was put aside for my education. Years later, I knew the time was right and what I wanted to study and I embarked on a now-or-never-journey.

If I have any regrets, it’s not being able to get my Ph.D., an ambition that has always been in the back of my mind. I always kept my grade point high because I wanted to keep the door open. But I don’t think I have the stamina for 7 more years of study, and I would die in debt, which is not an appealing prospect. Then I think about the practicalities of the degree. Where would it really fit in with my career?

Most of all, I feel that I’m living my life backward. First children and marriage, then school. And now, as a new grad, I’ll launch into my (sort of) young life! We’ll see how it goes!!

Grad school is a celebration of hearing

One of the reasons that I got the cochlear implant is because I knew that one day I would go back to school, and I thought it would make life easier.

I feel like I missed so much of my education. I sat in front of the classroom and was expected to speechread (a skill I was trying to learn) and never heard anything from middle school onward. In college, I used an FM system for the first time, which helped greatly, but it meant that I had to wear a device and could only hear the teacher and not the discussion.

After I got the cochlear implant, I would always go to my kid’s “American Education Week” where parents can sit in the classroom. I got the biggest kick out of being able to hear the teacher and understand the classroom dialogue. My kids were in middle and high school then and didn’t always appreciate having their mother in the classroom. They told me that I couldn’t live my life through them and I had to stop going! I said I deserved “compensatory education” in special ed parlance.

Grad school is my compensatory education! I always love that I can sit in the classroom and hear the teacher and follow the discussion. Of course, I can’t do these things perfectly and I know I miss things. But I feel that I understand most of what is said, and that’s fine with me. I make school so much easier – I don’t have to rely on reading the textbook for all of my understanding. I can listen to what the instructor is saying.

I’m so warped. The opportunity to hear in the classroom is a thrill of a lifetime that never grows old. Just like the thrill of going to the hearing the movies… or hearing the elevator talk to you!

Grad school is learning about work and life

I’ve studied many topics that I never would have otherwise and I’ve read a lot of interesting books and journal articles. As I think back, I feel that I’ve been able to put into practice some of the skills that I’ve learned. I’ve also gained new insight into management, leadership and the dynamics of the work environment that have helped me a new perspective and context for my experiences. I have grown professionally.

Grad school is an academic accomplishment

I will graduate with high honors and I’ve been inducted into the Delta Mu Delta honor society for business and management.

Now, as I begin my last class, I just hope that I can enjoy what I’m learning, that I will not become too overstressed, and that I will finish strong.

Please pray for me.

Ellicott City Labor Day Running Classic

Somehow, I manage to keep running. This year I began running in the early months of the year and then cut my running down to once a week during the 7-week semester. When that was over, I slowly added runs back into my week, running about 1.5 miles with a generous walk/run ratio. Then I built up to 2 miles at a time for weekday runs with 3 miles on the weekend.

At this point in life, I had no desire to increase my base miles or increase the number of times a week I run. My whole goal has been to maintain a very small base. Instead, I've experimented with longer ratios to increase my endurance and added speedwork to the mix. I was trilled that I was able to keep running throughout the buildup to our summer conference and after.

Running add so much to my quality of life, and I believe that I feel better, think better and function better on the days that I run. This is no longer simply a personal belief or a fuzzy notion that I've encapsulated in my personal philosophy of "yin and yang" in which I seek to counterbalance the mental activity and stress of work and school with the opposing physical activity of running (and swimming and biking). It is now backed by scientific evidence in the book "Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain" by John Ratey and Eric Hagerman that suggests that exercise affects the brain cells in specific ways that boost our mood and improve our focus.

I've put aside racing because my mileage is so low...but of course, I couldn't resist a 5K and scheduled the "race of the year" for the end of summer, when I had time to prepare and establish a small, but consist base.

Ellicott City Labor Day Running Classic

I'd known about this race for a long time, but somehow never ran it because I was in the midst of preparing for other races and it didn't fit into my mileage or schedule. This year, they offered a new 5K route in effort to attract runners interested in a shorter distance.

The fluorescent yellow race shirt left something to be desired. Although wearing the race shirt on race day is supposed to be bad juju and one shouldn't wear a shirt unless it is earned by running the race, I decided to eschew these traditions and wear the shirt that I probably wouldn't wear anywhere else.

The race is held at the Shrine of St. Anthony, which is located on the IronGirl bike route. I'd ridden past this many times in training and racing and even driving along the route always brings back IronGirl memories.

The entire race was well run, from the volunteers that guided our parking on the grass surrounding the monastery, to the abundant and helpful announcements, to the well-positioned course marshals and the post-race food.

The event organizers made clear in the race materials and at packet pickup that half of the route was on paved roads and half was on paths. However, it was much more of a trail run than originally described and was very different than the wide, smooth paths through the woods that I'm accustomed to running on. The trail that winds through the woods on the property is narrow and the ground ranges from spongy material to a solid dirt path with tree roots emerging. The volunteers had done a wonderful job of spray painting the roots so that people like me would not trip over their own feet and there was plastic tape so that people would not wander off the path.

The trail run provided interesting mental and physical challenges that kept me focused as I navigated the uneven and changing terrain and avoided the spraypainted roots. It a nice diversion that kept me externally focused and prevented me from thinking about myself and my fatigue during the race.

I did an 2/8 ratio throughout the race and from the beginning, I found myself in competition with another middle-aged portly man who seemed older than me. I would run forward and then he would catch up and pass me. He also was using a walk/run strategy, although his walks were shorter and did not seem to fall according to any pattern. During the middle of the race on the trail he charged ahead and was a good distance in front of me as I focused on navigating the trail.

Normally, I follow the ratio strictly, with a rule that I must run when the walk interval ends, even if that is a hill...but the hills on the trail and the grassy portions were unexpectedly steep and I found myself walking up a few. I was glad to be out of the woods, but knew I would encounter one last hill as we climbed toward the finish. It was there that I passed the older man who was my personal competitor. I still had energy in my tank as I charged toward the finish and conquered the final hill. Due to the terrain and the hills, my time was much slower than it ordinarily would have been, but I was satisfied all the same.

Running into the Future

Will I be able to keep running into the fall? I don't know. I'm headed into a very busy fall with work and school. I'm strategizing ways that I can keep my momentum, rather than continue the cycle of stopping and starting as I've done over the past several years. I am anxious to complete the grad school marathon, and to move on to other things in life...but I worry that my running ambitions could be eclipsed by age and injury. We'll see what the future holds.

Grad School By The Numbers

 

There has been rumbling in some quarters that I “try too hard and study too much” and I “do extra credit.” To respond to these notions, I’ve put together an educational post designed to shed light on the grad school workload. There are NO opportunities for extra credit in grad school. One earns grades from the required assignments and everything is graded on a rubric.

I’d like to debunk the notion that I “try too hard.” On my first assignment for class #2, I realized that I’d spent several hours doing the wrong assignment and then proceeded to quickly do the correct assignment and hand it in. I got the top grade. I was surprised to hear that this was not the case for my peers who were complaining that their case study papers were considered not long enough and there was not enough information provided in the case study to work with (but did you know about Google? It’s a very useful research tool). I do, however, put more effort into high-value assignments for instructors that have strict grading requirements.

This semester was one of my most difficult semesters ever for multiple personal and professional reasons. For the first time in my current job, I decided to take 2 classes because both are completely online (saving travel time) and one was easier. The second 7-week class ran concurrently with the first 14-week class and began in mid-semester when the first was well underway and major projects were due.

By the Numbers

Class #1

• 1,500 words weekly for several essay response questions and a journal entry
• 50 words weekly for discussion board
• 100 pages of reading a week
• 28 total double-spaced pages for final paper (plus reading and researching to gather information for paper; 15 pages minimum, excluding title and reference pages) 
• 12 total double-spaced pages for 3 short papers (plus reading journal article that formed the basis for the papers; 9 pages required, excluding title and reference pages)

Class #2

• 120 pages of reading each week
• 300 words weekly for discussion board
• 14 total double-spaced pages for final paper (plus reading and researching to gather information for paper; 10 pages minimum, excluding title and references)
• 8 single-spaced pages for business case studies
• 5 PowerPoint slides for group project (plus 3 conference calls and reading to develop slides)

The Result

My grade point streak continues!! I now have 3 more classes to complete and will graduate in December 2013 or May 2014.

Raise Your Hand When You Want to Change the Subject

Every semester, I always debate whether or not to mention that I'm deaf when classes begin, and so far, I've always let my instructors know that I'm deaf. Although I'm documented with the school's office of disability services as a student with a disability, I've never actually used any accommodations because I never felt the need. I simply let instructors know that I am deaf and will not likely use accommodations, but may do so if I face any unforseen challenges. What could be wrong with this picture?

I became deaf just before middle school. Now I'm in grad school and can finally hear the teacher in class with my cochlear implant without the need for additional assistive technology or other accommodations. Do I hear everything? No. There's always a student in the back of the class in the cornter that I can't understand. And I'm sure that I miss a thing or two that the teacher says. But to me, being able to understand most, but not all, of the instruction and dialogue is good enough and I'm happy with what I do hear. One of the reasons that I wanted the cochlear implant was because I knew one day I would return to school and I thought the implant would make it easier -- and it has. I'm thrilled to be able to sit down in class and understand the teacher.

However, not all the instructors seem to react so positively.

In one class, I would raise my hand and not get called on. Then I wrote a paper in which my grade was 20 points higher than the average grade in the class on the project. After that, the teacher began to call on me.

This semester, I got an A on my paper. I had my hand up numerous times during a discussion in which I had a lot of opinion. I was called on just once, although others in the class were called on repeatedly during the conversation.

I don't like to blurt out responses in class because I prefer to clearly have the conversational ball.
But what does it take to get called on and participate?

The solution to this situation is:
a) Nothing. It is all in my imagination.
b) I should disclose my disability only if I need an accommodation.
c) Do my homework and keep quiet in class.
d) Stop writing multiple choice questions!
e) None of the above

Grad School Math

I take that back. I don't think I have the grad school blues. School is actually the easiest way to feel successful right now. It is unbelieveably easy. I barely study. I get good grades. I wrote 4 papers in 4 weeks, and then just showed up to present. The only thing that mattered was whether I cited peer-reviewed journals, and for the most part, I did.

I am surrounded by students who have easier lives. They have a short commute to school and home. They get off at 3-4 p.m. in the afternoon and then they go home to refresh themselves before coming to school. I commute 3 hours a day - on non-school days. I don't want to think about how much time I spend in a car on schooldays.

I work 8-12 hours a day and I still feel that I am drowining in the deep water. And then I contemplate trying to take 2 classes next semester and trying to add a 4 hours of studying every night to that schedule, with more on the weekends. Everyday, I wake up and think about how I'm going to finish and everyday it's the one question I can't answer. To be fair, next semester I'm taking an online class and a Saturday class, but I'll still need to actually study, unlike this semester. I also know I'll need to take at least 2 more semesters of 2 classes to gradute in the next 1.5-2 years. I try to balance and accommodate eveyone else's needs and then I wonder how I'm ever going to meet my own.

Let's do the grad school math:

10 hours work - and I still feel as though I'm drowning
3 hours commute on a non-school day. 4.5 hours on a school day.
3-4 hours of studying each night for 2 classes. No weekend work despite the work buildup!!
2 hours get up and care for son
1 hour eat/talk to spouse
= 19-20 hour day

Grad School Blues

I always compare grad school to running a marathon. Right now I'm at the half-marathon mark. Halfway through. The point where it doesn't get any easier--and there's still 13.1 more miles to go. It will be a long, slow journey. This year, I've committed to taking just one class so that I wouldn't be so busy during my youngest child's last year of high school. And then there's the new job, which doesn't leave as much time for going to school.

I finally got an idea for an area that I would like to explore, if I were taking an independent study. I developed a research question from reading the textbook before class started, which I scribbled on an envelope. This is my last elective, and I'd been eagerly anticipating it since I registered last spring. Given the subject matter, I envisioned learning about best practices in developing marketing messages. I visualized an interactive assignment around personal selling.

But all the hope, dreams, and excitement were crushed when I read the syllabus. The entire class revolves around writing 4 papers (just one more than the undergrad students taking the class), and completing a group assignment. The topic is interesting--but the syllabus completely uninspiring. It's only the first class and I'm already making plans to work ahead so that I can get this class over with. I've got the grad school blues. And I'm piled higher and deeper.

The Tipping Point

Although I haven't read the book by Malcolm Gladwell, this blog post is not so much about the spread of ideas as it is about making a decision--and then re-examining that decision in detail and truly deciding that the path taken is the best one.

In my last post, I was seriously thinking about changing graduate programs. I originally was admitted, but not matriculated, into two local MBA programs. Ultimately, I chose a master's in management program. Three weeks into the program, I learned that my preferred degree specialization in marketing was discontinued, so I chose another specialization...only to realize that it wasn't the best fit. The only option to continue with the program would be to pursue an "individualized" specialization--or to switch to another program that offered the preferred specialization.

The programs came calling. An acceptance offer into a grad program gives candidates a year to matriculate--and programs sent out a reminder before the year came to a close. Once again, I made an Excel spreadsheet. The programs that were on top of the list were those that would allow me to transfer at least some credits. I compared the credits-to-degree, cost-to-degree, and time-to-degree. I examined the accreditation and analyzed the curriculum at each program. I debated the relative merits of a local program versus a distance-learning online program. And I read articles such as this one. There are never any right answers to such decisions--all programs have their strengths and weaknesses and any would be a good choice. It is more about making the right choice for myself.

I prepared an application to a school, contacted two references, and once again rounded up my transcripts.

On a whim, I once again looked up possible classes that could be taken to complete the degree and then searched to see if they were offered in fall. I found a class in public relations and one in non-profit marketing and fundraising. Both fit my schedule perfectly. And both were interesting and relevant. This was the tipping point in my decision.

I decided that the best program was the one in which I am enrolled. Why?

• I believe this degree program covers many business topics in MBA programs (exceptions: statistics/math, law, and operations management).
  
• I believe this program will provide me with a well-rounded education (in comparison to an MBA program that offers 5 classes in marketing; 3 general MBA courses, plus undegrad prerequisites).
  
• I believe that my current program will provide me with relevant coursework that will strengthen my background.
  
• I believe the courses in this program will be more fun, interesting, and relevant.
  
• I will have the benefit of classroom instruction that allows me to have a teacher to explain concepts. I might be able to complete courses online, when offered.
  
• The current program can be completed by December 2012 (sooner or later, depending on circumstances) given the completion of 4 classes annually. This allows me to complete the degree around the same time my second child finishes high school.
  
• The degree program is affordable. It is half the cost of the least-expensive business degree.

Most importantly, I would hate to take on a degree program that is so extensive and has so many credits to complete the program that I don't finish. I know all too well that life can happen. I was once about to enter a graduate program. I was in my twenties. And then I got pregnant. I decided to work to support my child and nearly four years later I had a second child. I was satisfied with my job and busy raising my children...but I always wanted to complete my education. At different points in time, I wanted to go in different directions and it was difficult to determine the direction my education should take. I did several different educational pursuits, such as taking continuing education courses and earning the CAE, but what I really wanted was to go to grad school.

Finally, the time is right. I hope that I've made the right decision about my academic program. Most of all, I hope I finish.

Lost

Is is dark where you are?

Can you count the stars where you are?

Are you lost where you are?

--Howie Day, Longest Night

Do you ever feel like it's dark and you're lost an unable to look up at the stars to navigate a path through life? I feel like this a lot these days.

I can't figure out my assignment. I know not where I'm going with school. Should I follow my head and stay with my current program with its shorter time-to-degree? But is this program really right for me? Or, should I follow my heart? Should I try to transfer to the program that I rejected? The one with the longer time-to-degree that I keep looking back at over my shoulder?

I'll take a break from that puzzling assignment that I'm stuck on to edit this post to be more revealing and less cryptic. And I welcome suggestions for this situation, dear readers (if anyone reads this).

Last fall I entered a 39-credit master's in management program. Although I never said it on my application, I intended to specialize in marketing. Three weeks after entering the program, I found out that my intended specialization was discontinued. I decided to make lemon aide and choose to stay in the program, with a different specialization.

I'm now taking the first online class in that specialization and I love it a little too much. My advisor warned, "these classes are condensed...the material is taught at a higher level." I find that the higher-level material is stimulating, the condensed time period is manageable, and the students are more mature. While I like the class, but I'm still unsure whether the specialization is right for me. My goal in this journey is to gain knowledge that will be marketable in the workforce. And if the specialization is not right, then the degree looses its value and my time, money, and effort are not well invested.

I made a decision and I take responsibility for that, but I also feel that I am not entirely to blame as I got caught up in a circumstance I never anticipated. Of course I wonder whether I should have faced my fears gone into the MBA program that I turned down with much reluctance. Of course I feel that I should have made different decisions at different junctures.

I've tried very hard to make lemon aide, but it's not tasting good. As I complete 9 credits, I know that I'm crossing the Rubicon, that point of no return. If I go further, I will have too many credits to transfer---and I may very well be at that point now.

What are the options?

• Remain in my current program: Choose between my current specialization ... or the "individualized specialization" (read = just choose 4 classes of interest)
• Choose an MBA program. Choose between a program that will allow me to transfer some credits ... or no credits. Choose between an online program ...or a traditional program.

Maybe some day I'll look to the heavens and see a constellation that will guide me. For now, I'll get back to that homework that's puzzling me.

And here's a truely corny conclusion to this post, my fortune cookie: "You have an important new business development shaping up."

To Baltimore, Reluctantly

I'm going to try to write a paper today, so I'm try to briefly journal before getting to my main project.

The story of my life this fall is about how the best-laid plans fall apart. I entered graduate school--a goal I've had for 19 years--and am taking 6 credits of grad classes, more than I've ever taken on before. I applied to three programs (2 MBA programs, one master's in management) and was accepted into all three. I decided to enter the master's in management program because it would mean less time to degree, but the opportunity cost was the logistical difficulties of commuting to class. In contrast, the MBA programs offered a great deal of logistical convenience, but the opportunity cost was a 4-5 year time to degree (assuming summers off for triathlon and some R&R). In the end, however, I was reluctant to sign on to a 4-5 year project.

Although I never said anything on my graduate admissions essay, I read the program's brochures and the web site and envisioned myself specializing in marketing, as marketing and communications are related disciplines. Imagine my surprise when, 30 days later, the graduate catalog was revised and the marketing specialization disappeared. When I asked about it, I was told that it was being phased out and I would be unable to specialize in marketing. What a bitter disappointment.

Should I try to talk with someone to see if an exception can be made? Are any of the other specializations even relevant? Or, should I just live with in and do an "individualized specialization" or the eclectic approach? Should I reapply to my second-choice MBA program, knowing that my classes would likely not transfer? What about math demands of the program, given my tenuous relationship with X and Y? Should I apply to an online school and enjoy the greater convenience, with a less prestigious degree? These are just a few of the questions going through my mind. For right now, I'm trying to get through the semester and then think about the best option.

The half marathon is another case of great plans falling apart. I had a wonderful tri season last summer and felt stronger than before and invincible. But when I did the final Baltimore marathon supported course run, I could barely run 10 miles. In the final mile or so, my left leg started hurting and I found it difficult to keep running. What's with that? Did the hills sap my strength? It was only after I went into the taper and my left leg hurt after 7 miles that it dawned on me: ITB friction syndrome. And only then did I remember all of those 9, 10, and 11 mile runs without any problem.

So, I'm not ready to run the race I planned to run. In fact, the only reason that I'm going to Baltimore at all is because my husband is going to run the marathon. My husband, who scolded me before my first triathlon that I was "overly worried" is now extremely preoccupied with his marathon.

The one good thing is that I suddenly found my favorite running book under my nightstand right before the race, John Bingham's "Marathoning for Mortals." Bingham encourages us to set our own goals, strategies, and objectives (although I find these somewhat confusing).

My goal now is simply to complete the race.

Plan A--The "blessed by the gods" strategy is to PR in the race. This was my original goal.

Plan B--To run the entire race without stopping.

Plan C--To run 10 miles and then to adopt and walk/run ratio that will get me to the finish line.

Ideally, I'll start out slow and keep a good, but steady pace. My strategy on the hills will be as Coach Jenny explains is to run them mindfully, using the same effort level as I go up the hill, even though it may mean a slower pace. I want to run faster around Lake Montebello, which is two miles of flat land, to make up for the slowness on the hills. After that, my strategy will be to keep running to the finish line.

Later today, I'll go get a ITB strap, which might help reduce some of the friction. I'll pin my race number to my shirt and then wear my race belt. This way, I can take a few tylenol and also some snack bags for my implant processor in the event that it gets really wet. I'll also get some trash bags, as there is a 50% chance of showers when the marathoners take off. I'm planning to wear my "dress up" :) shorts, and last year's race shirt. I'll also wear my yellow bike jacket (or maybe another windbreaker) just to keep the rain off a little bit. It will be fairly warm, and the chance of showers decreases as the morning goes on. I'll bring some of my textbooks to read while Tim finishes the marathon, and I can take shelter in Pickles Pub and maybe figure out a few other nearby haunts.